The Beauty of Friendship.

Please forgive me.

I've been keeping a secret from you guys.

But, it's not a good secret.

And, I've been going back & forth for about a month now about whether or not to tell you guys. Because at first, I didn't even want to talk about it.

Like at all.

And, now?

Well, I'm still not sure.

So, here goes nothing.

On February 7th, Matt & I found out we were expecting a baby. I was only a few days late & the idea that I could be pregnant never even crossed my mind.

At all.

Until one night, while in bed, I tried to roll over on my stomach & my boobs HURT SO BAD, I wanted to cut them off. Not sure what was going on there, I rolled over to my side.

And, then, it hit me.

I'm late, my boobs hurt...OMIGOD. I could be pregnant.

I waited until I got up to get ready for work to take a PG test.

Two pink lines popped up within 15 seconds.

I couldn't believe it.

Really?

1 & 1/2 years after losing our 1st baby, I was finally pregnant again.

I woke Matt up & showed him the test. And, then I called my OB-GYN, who told me to come in that morning for a blood test.

I did. And, about 3pm, my nurse called me to tell me that it was positive. I let out a huge sigh of relief & then called Matt to tell him the good news.

But, because of my miscarriage back in 2006, we were extremely cautious. We both knew that this could turn bad in a second. We hoped it didn't, but we knew it was a very real possibility.

I had to wait until Monday (the 11th) to get my progesterone level. It was a 20. The nurse said that was great & my doctor saw no reason to put me on progesterone supplements. (My 1st pregnancy, my progesterone level was an 11. I started taking supplements, but, it never got above 18).

Matt & I decided to take one day at a time. We prayed. We talked. We hoped. And, for the rest of that week, we almost thought we might actually get a baby out of all this.

Turns out, we were wrong.

On Friday, (the 15th) I started bleeding. I immediately called my doctor & Matt & I went in for an ultrasound. He said he saw what appeared to be an early pregnancy (at this point, I was 5 weeks, 5 days). We saw a sac the size of a small bubble.

Our doctor said the only way to tell what was happening was by testing my hormone levels in my blood. But, I had to wait until Monday for the results.

So, we left the office with not good news, but not bad news.

Somehow, we made it through the weekend. I stopped bleeding Saturday night. But, then I got sick. I woke up early Monday morning with fever (later diagnosed as Bronchitis). So, I stayed home from work.

Around 11am, my doctor called & told me what I had already come to realize.

I had miscarried. With the bleeding & extremely low hormone levels, he told me the pregnancy had ended.

I felt raw.

I can't talk about those days following the miscarriage right now. Maybe later on, I can write a post about it...not right now.

What makes this so hard is that a co-worker of mine is pregnant. I was supposed to be 5 weeks behind her. Her pregnancy is moving along smoothly.

I'm happy for her.

But, I'm also jealous.

Jealous because she's still pregnant. And, because she's starting to show. And, because her pregnancy is THE ONLY THING PEOPLE AT WORK WILL TALK ABOUT.

Granted, only a few people at work know about my miscarriage, which means the rest of them have no idea that when they ask my co-worker how she's feeling, they are tearing me apart.

I can't ask them to stop talking about my co-workers pregnancy. That's not fair. It's her right to enjoy & talk about it...and, it's their right to ask questions & comment on her expanding belly.

So, I sit there & try to think about something else until the conversation's over.

(By the way, one of those people who know about my miscarriage is my pregnant co-worker).

Besides Matt, my other source of strength in this has been Kim. I told her the day I found out I was pregnant & then I un-told her the day I found out I miscarried.

Kim & I have never met face to face, nor have we talked on the phone, but I think I speak for both of us when I say that when we "met" through our blogs, we instantly "clicked".

Our friendship has only grown stronger over the past several months. We've cheered for each other, been sad for each other, prayed for each other & supported each other.

Since my miscarriage, I've had good days & bad days.

Monday was a VERY BAD DAY. When my co-worker came into our news meeting, everyone noticed that her belly had grown A LOT over the weekend.

And, everyone commented on it...which is totally normal, but totally NOT what I needed to hear. I barely made it through the rest of the meeting, before I went to the bathroom & cried.

I really just wanted to hit something (a wall, a door, whatever) until it hurt as much as I hurt.

After 15 minutes or so, I collected myself & went back to my desk & finished out the day.

Of course, I told Matt how I was feeling. But, I also wanted to tell Kim. I had to wait until I got home that night to e-mail her though because the afternoon was pretty busy.

When I opened up my computer, I saw an e-mail from her. She was just checking in with me to see how things were going. Ironic, huh? It's just part of that connection we have.

I sent her a long e-mail about my day & afterwards, I felt better because I had been able to put my feelings into words.

Little did I know, she was plotting a surprise for me. After e-mailing Matt & getting my work address, this beautiful bouquet of flowers was delivered to me today.

When the receptionist called me to say I had a delivery, I was thinking, "Ok, it's not my birthday. It's not my anniversary. Hmmmm?".

Then, I read the card.

And, I cried. But, this time, I cried happy tears. Kim said she just wanted to brighten my day.

That she did.

I can't believe she did this. I mean, to actually send me flowers...it just means so much to me. Like I really can't even put it into words how much it means to me.

And, the bouquet even has purple roses mixed in..MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FLOWER.

So, to Kim: Thank you, thank you, thank you! I love them. You didn't have to do it, but I'm so glad you did because your thoughtfulness made me feel so special & so loved. I am so hoping that it works out for us to meet face to face this summer, if Matt & I come to Myrtle Beach.

Love,
Robin

A Story From The Past.

My grandaddy (my mom's dad) was born in 1900.

He died in January 14th, 1991...3 months after his 90th birthday.

He was cutest, sweetest man I knew.

Because I was the youngest of 5 granddaughters, I had him wrapped around my finger. Of course, he loved us all the same, but I was the only one he gave a nickname to.

He called me "Doodles". Not to my face, but whenever he talked to my mom on the phone, he'd always ask how "his Doodles" was doing.

Whenever he picked me up from Pre-School, he'd take me to McDonald's & let me get an Orange drink & french fries. He never did that with my sister or my cousins.

I loved to make up short stories & he loved hearing them. When my cousins would visit from Texas, he'd call them all in the room, put me on his lap & ask me to tell a story.

When I was done, he would give me a big hug & tell me how proud he was of me.

My grandaddy loved the Chicago Cubs. He NEVER missed a televised game. Back in 1931, he took the train from Arkansas to Chicago to watch the Cubs play in the World Series.

He saw Babe Ruth hit a home run.

He prayed every morning & every night. He went to church every Sunday. He built his house with his own hands. He was totally devoted to his wife, my grandmother, who died when I was 2. He loved Hungry Man dinners, buttermilk & Corn Flakes.

I miss him every day of my life.

When my sister & I were in Texas 2 weeks ago, visiting my aunt (my mom's sister), uncle & cousins, my aunt told me several funny stories about my grandaddy, like this one.

When my grandaddy was growing up, there weren't TV's or radio's (or at least his family didn't own one), so he & his friends had to entertain themselves.

A man, who was deaf, came through town everyday with his mules.

Each day, he stop near my great-grandparent's barn & let the mules eat & rest.

After a few weeks of this, my grandad & his buddies decided to play a little "trick" on the man.

So, each day around the time the mules stopped by the barn, the boys would climb up into part of it that couldn't be seen from the road & wait as they ate & took a small rest.

Once the man (who, keep in mind was deaf) was ready to move on, he gathered all his mules & yelled "GO MULES!".

My grandad & his buddies would then yell, "WHOA, MULES!".

And, the mules would stop.

The man would yell, "GO MULES!".

The mules would go.

The boys would yell, "WHOA, MULES!".

The mules would stop.

The man would yell, "GO MULES!".

The mules would go.

The boys would yell, "WHOA, MULES!".

The mules would stop.

Because the man was deaf & because the boys were well hidden, he had no idea why his mules wouldn't move.

This went on for several weeks, until finally, one day, the man asked my great-grandad if he knew why it was taking at least 30 minutes to get his mules to pass by the barn.

My great-grandad asked my grandad if he knew anything about it & knowing he'd get in more trouble if he lied about it, he told his dad the truth.

The boys had to apologize to the man.

However, it wasn't long before they came up with their next "trick"...wrapping up cow poop like a present & leaving it in the middle of the road or on someone's doorstep.

March Madness, Baby.

About 3 years ago, we found out Arkansas was picked to host Round 1 & 2 of the 2008 Men's Basketball NCAA tournament. When tickets went on sale last January (2007), Matt stood in line to put our name (and a request for 4 tickets) into the random drawing.

Then, we waited.

And, waited some more.

Until finally, our friend, Greg, found out his credit card had been charged, meaning WE GOT THE TICKETS! Our name had been drawn. About 10 months later, our tickets arrived in the mail.

All of that waiting led up to this weekend!

You might be wondering why I wanted to go to the NCAA Tournament. ME? A basketball fan?

Just.

Slightly.

Ok, I'm a HUGE basketball fan; March Madness is one of my favorite times of the year. And, Matt, Greg & Jake didn't seem to mind having a GIRL tag along with them. So, I went.

And, folks...it was AWESOME. I had the best time. We were there Friday from 10am to 10pm & then today from 12:30pm to 6:30pm. 18 hours of PURE BASKETBALL.

Don't get me wrong.

We were exhausted by the time we got home Friday night & we're pretty tired tonight, but it was all worth it to get to see one of the biggest college sporting events EVER.

Too bad Arkansas didn't get to play at home.

Anyway, you know I've got pictures, right?

Right.

The 1st game on Friday was between St. Mary's & Miami.

Miami won.

When the Texas band came out to set up during the Miami-St. Mary's game, all the Razorback fans "booed" them. They didn't seem to care!

In the 2nd game on Friday, Texas played Austin Peay.

Austin Peay's band finally caught on to the rivalry between Arkansas & Texas & led us all in the traditional "Hog Call". All the Razorback fans cheered for Austin Peay.

Texas won.

The 3rd game on Friday was between Oregon & Mississippi State (Go SEC!).

Mississippi State won.

Memphis & Texas Arlington played the 4th & final game on Friday.
Memphis won.

Which is GREAT because that's who I have winning my bracket at work.

I thought it was funny that an assistant brought out those little folding chairs for the players to sit on during a time out.

One of the best things about Friday night was the Memphis Mascot...the Tiger. He was hilarious! I could have watched him all night long. Of course, I didn't want you to miss out, so I got some video of him with the dance team during half time. Enjoy.

Jake & Greg

Me & Matt

Round 2 was much of the same.

You know.

Basketball.

Texas played Miami & won.

Memphis played Mississippi State & won.

Keep your fingers crossed that Memphis will continue to win. If they do, I could win $185.

4 Days in Texas.

My sister, niece, nephew & I drove to Tyler, Texas on Thursday to meet our new baby cousin & to see my uncle for the first time since his stroke, back in September.

We really should have gone back before now, but we couldn't seem to find a good weekend that fit everyone's schedule. That's why we decided to spend 4 days down there this time.

My uncle has made TREMENDOUS progress in the past 6 months. The stroke caused extreme nerve damage to his entire right side, but thanks to continued, extensive therapy, he's starting to move his right leg & arm again. Because his mobility on that side isn't 100% (maybe 40%), he uses his wheelchair & his walker most of the time.

His speech is okay...I can understand everything he says, but his voice isn't as strong as it used to be. He doesn't join in our conversations as much, instead preferring just to listen to us talk.

Although, if he has something to say, he'll say it! Or if he has a question to ask, he'll ask it.

He can do a lot of things for himself...eat, bathe, shave & brush his teeth. It's just getting to the table or the shower that he needs assistance with.

For as long as I can remember, his nickname for me has been "Goat-Roper". I have no idea how he came up with it, but he did & that's what he calls me. When he had his stroke & was in ICU, he still tried so hard to say "Hey Goat-Roper", but he never could get the words out.

On Thursday, when I walked in the door of my aunt & uncle's house, my heart just about broke in two, when I hugged him & he said, "Hey, Goat-Roper! You made it!".

It was then that I realized how worried I'd been about him & how good it felt to finally feel like he really was going to be okay. He might not be EXACTLY the person he was before, but that's okay. He's here with us & he's just going to continue to get better. God performed a miracle!

As I said earlier in this post, we also met our new baby cousin. My cousin, Shelley, had a baby girl named Maggi Mae at the end of January. She also has a boy named Ty, who's almost 3.

So, now that you're all caught up, here's a look at our 4 days in Texas in pictures.

Who doesn't love a little chocolate & some water?

She FINALLY fell asleep on the way to Tyler. This was after we stopped in Texarkana to shop (for 3 hours!). If you look closely, you can see she has a different outfit on than she does in the 1st picture. My sister actually got her to try on clothes...but, then she didn't want to take it off, so we bought it!

Meet baby Maggi. How adorable is this face?

"Um, people? This was more fun before she started crying. Can I give her back now?"

Sure, she looks cute & innocent here...but, wait til you have to sleep in the same bed with her & you wake up with 2 little feet pressed into your back, neck and/or face!

We could NOT get a picture of all 3 of them smiling & looking at the camera at the same time.

The little "mommy" making sure Maggi is properly strapped into her carseat.

Big Brother, Ty, coming over for his own inspection.

Watching the water turn colors from the colored-tablets that come with the egg dye kits.

Carefully choosing his OR her 1st color for his OR her first egg.

We're almost finished! (Ty's on the phone with his aunt Karen, who asked each kid to pick 2 treats they wanted her to bring them).

The finished product.

Riley, Jackson & Ty working on their Easter mural masterpiece.

Just cheesin' for the camera.

We had THREE Easter egg hunts for the kids. The 1st one was just Riley & Ty. Next, we took 10 of those little plastic eggs & hid them in "harder" places for Jackson. Then, we had a 3rd one for all 3 kids to participate.

Ty putting his egg in his "basket".

Show us your eggs!

It was so warm on Friday (like 85 degrees) that my sister came up with idea to have an "Ice Cream Party" outside! We made the kids strip down, so they wouldn't get ice cream on their clothes. We forgot about Ty's socks & shoes...which ended up covered in "choc-watt" ice cream.

Riley looks bored here, but I LOVED Ty's little smile!

One of Riley's MANY outfit changes over the weekend.

Ice Cream Party, Part 2. Even though it was quite a bit cooler on Saturday, we still put on another ice cream party for the kids...this time they got cones instead of bowls! People, it was a HUGE deal for these kids! They LOVED eating "choc-watt" out of cones.

My step-dad, cousins Karen & Shelley, my aunt, my sister & Jackson all enjoying ice cream.

Seriously, people, I could just eat her up!

I could stare at this face for hours!

We stopped at McDonald's for lunch on our way home on Sunday. I took 10 pictures of these kids with Ronald McDonald & Riley never would look at the camera!

*********

Want to know how my lovely husband spent HIS weekend?

In Memphis, on Beale Street, with his friends!

I Heart Michael Buble.

So.

The snow melted, helping to make "Girls Night" a total success.

Our night began with dinner at Cregeen's Irish Pub. We ate great food & had a great conversation. It's nice to be able to spend time together outside of work & actually talk about other things BESIDES work.

After dinner, we made our way to the arena for the Michael Buble concert.

And, the concert?

SPECTACULAR.

It was way more than someone on stage singing a bunch of songs. The lights were amazing, the band was amazing & of course, Michael was amazing.

Until last night, I didn't realize how funny he is...I mean, he's really quite the jokster. Some of the things he said were on the border of being a little "dirty" or "raunchy", but we didn't care.

At times, he had the audience rolling in laughter.

He sang all my favorite songs...even mixing in Elvis & The Village People (YMCA).

Here are some pictures from the night.

Courtney & Mallory. I love these girls!

Me, Courtney & Mallory waiting for Michael Buble!

The girls: Lindsey, Me, Melissa, Courtney & Mallory.

Me & Lindsey.

Michael Buble.

A video clip of "Home".

I took this picture at the very end of "Home". You can see our downtown skyline the video monitor behind him. During the song, shots of our city were rolling in the monitor.

The Encore finale.

Snow.

Well, it snowed. Finally.

I took these pictures as soon as I got home from work tonight.

I will write more later.